So I’ve been housing a bad cough since last Wednesday or Thursday, and I finally went to the Emergency Room on Sunday night after the coughing and wheezing became unbearable. Turns out I was having an asthma attack. In a whole week, I’ve seen 4 doctors who have prescribed a variegation of pills, antibiotics and steroids.

Yesterday my mom took me back to the hospital and met up with her Pediatrician friend, who looked me over. Again. She prescribed another antibiotic and another nebule to nebulize with. Yes, nebulizing! God, I haven’t done those things since I was like.. 9. I hate it. I hate having some machine attached to me, even temporarily. I hate being sick!

I’ve missed two days of school already and it’s driving me nuts. I can’t stop thinking about how it’s ruining my chances of graduating as Salutatorian or Valedictorian and how I probably won’t end up with the Year End Headmaster’s Award because of my absences. It’s irritating. At least today I finished writing my Florante at Laura essay.

When I’m not in school I tend to stress out about all the things I have to take care of because I realize how much things there are left to do. I’m most worried about my CSS Profile being paid for so that I have a chance of getting financial aid at Cornell, and finishing up my scholarship application.

Yesterday I realized it’s probably too late to get any scholarships now, but at least I can get some for the next years. I suppose. I’m really hoping Cornell admits me. But at least if they don’t, I’ve got Purdue. It’s still Purdue. It may not be Yale or Harvard, but it’s still Purdue. Numbers don’t mean anything. I know that if I go to Purdue I’ll still be happy, I will learn a lot in an excellent facility with excellent faculty and I’ll graduate with a good job awaiting me. It’s Purdue. I need to stop making myself feel bad just because it isn’t as “top notch” as Columbia or Yale. So what? I’m going to be happy no matter where I go.

Kevin visited me today. I was still having some breathing problems but at least it isn’t as bad as yesterday or the previous days. I felt alot better after seeing him and became alot more productive and finished my essay. I’m really crossing my fingers that I recover by Thursday because I really wanna be there for Nigel’s birthday.

I’m sad that Kevin and I won’t get to spend Valentine’s Day together though. I was planning to surprise him on the 13th but since that’s Nigel’s birthday celebration I guess my plans are out the window.

Hi everyone! I finally managed to crank out a new layout. Not as great as it could be, I guess, but I couldn’t really.. think of an idea. And my CG skills are all out of touch, unfortunately. But I’m pretty sure I’ll start getting a little more deft with graphics again once academics end — which is March 3rd! Heehee. Still awaiting Cornell’s admission decision. Fun fact – Neil Armstrong graduated form Purdue!

I’m sorry I’ve been so MIA. I really need to pay more attention to this website. Haha. Anyway, I came down with an awful cough and cold and it’s hard to breathe, and talk, and sing! Two of my classmates forced me to audition for graduation singers but of course I failed, because I can’t sing with a cold. I don’t think I’ll be okay by tomorrow. I’m also stressed out and literally pulling out hairs here, cause I have to complete the baby book for my Life Skills project which is due tomorrow. That means buying a scrapbook, developing pictures, printing out reflections, pasting, cutting, etc. Blah. Then I have to complete an essay for Florante at Laura, which is due this Friday. AND TOMORROW’S THE 2ND MATH MIDTERM. School’s killing me!

I guess I owe you guys some pictures, huh? Prom!

Yesterday was the best da of my life. I checked my e-mail yesterday morning while waiting for my mom to get ready since she was going to drop me off at Shang, where I would have lunch with a friend. I stopped breathing when I found a subject line entitled, “Congratulations on your admission to Purdue University”. As I clicked, I screamed after reading the very first line. I didn’t bother reading the following paragraphs from my excitement. From all the screaming, my mom, grandmother, two nephews, Jovie, Jimmy and Jovie’s new partner came up wondering why I was screaming.

The day just got better. After having lunch with Raph at Cibo, I headed over to Ateneo to watch a soccer game (5-0 Ateneo vs La Salle) with Andre. I had such a good time. Then we walked to Kourtyard and had some flavored Mocha and then a donut at Cello’s, then walked home. By then it was 6pm. After an hour we met up again at our grandfather’s house and we all had dinner out at Shakey’s. Beautiful.

I’m still awaiting Cornell’s reply but for now, I feel like I’m on top of the world. Nothing’s better than a day full of good news, good company and good food.

I know I’ve been promising graphic updates (layouts, etc) and I will TRY. In fact I already have, but I couldn’t think of a theme. No ideas. Not to mention I’m so overwhelmed with my load of school work. It’s up to my neck at the moment. Okay not really but it’s alot.. I’ve been feeling extremely pressured because the competition for graduating as Valedictorian and Salutatorian is so stiff. AND PROM IS THIS WEEKEND!

Hope you guys are enjoying your weekend!

I nearly cried in mass today because I couldn’t get snap out of the feeling of being nearly rejected. I know I’m probably luckier compared to a few others, but I wish I had been admitted in the first place. For me, I feel like having to reappeal to the Committee, etc is somewhat like begging them to take me. That’s probably not the case, but I have a tendency to add a bad spice to everything, I suppose.

It occured to me how unsure I felt about everything. College, my relationship.. My answer to everything nowadays seems to be “I don’t know,”, an answer I hate hearing from others.

Now feels like the best time to throw my hands up, drop to my knees and scream and cry; but I’ll just hold it in because I know that that’s not the right thing to do. Now is not the right time to stop, just like it’s not the right time to stop when your muscles are burning from a certain workout. It only means its working. I wish it were the same way with everything else.

“Unless di mo talaga pinagisipan nung sinagot mo siya…”
(”Unless you didn’t really think about it when you answered him [when he was courting you].”)

I woke up around 6am this morning even though Saturday class doesn’t start until around 740. I’m on a major bad trip. Last night the Ateneo admission results were released and I’ve been waitlisted. As usual, I’m too full of pride to think that I coud just be waitlisted and thought it might be an online glitch and would check today at the school for official releases.

This morning I realized that it probably isn’t wrong. I’m probably just not worth the slot.

I certainly feel like I won’t be going to college. I had just three schools to fall back on, and now I’ve only got 2 left. What are the chances of getting into Purdue or Cornell if even Ateneo didn’t take me? Waitlisted is just as bad as being flat out rejected, in my opinion. Slim chances, but chances nonetheless, I suppose.

The first half of day is going to be a drag, but hopefully it’ll be quick, anyhow. I’m already choking in sulk. I felt horrible yesterday during the Reading of Honors because I didn’t get into the Headmaster’s List. Again. That leaves me with only the 4th quarter. After seeing two of my classmates get it, I realized that there are also slim chances of me still graduating as Valedictorian or Salutatorian. Sure, people can tell me that I just have to work harder, etc., but if you think about it/calculate it, there are slim chances. What’s a 3.81 got over a 4.04 and a 4.05 (gpa)? Not much.

My future feels blurrier than ever.